A Bitter Sweet Beginning
by velvet orchird
Summary: Karen finds herself in a dilemma.. which one will she choose?


-1I should have just stayed inside my lonely cloud. I should have taken those last bottle of pills and drank that last bottle of wine. That night that I felt alive. With him…

Then I heard her voice pulling me back to reality and out of my trance. She's telling me to be strong. To hold on. Inside I laughed as I listened carefully to her words. So full of concern. But it's not as easy as she says. She sits by my side, took a stray strand of hair of on my face and tucked it behind my ear.

"Are you going to tell him about it?" I heard her say.

"I don't know honey. Maybe I should wait."

Only one person made me wanted and special. He loved me and never expected anything back. All he wanted was my love. Just me. Before, I was like the air. Someone occasionally feel my presence but never really sees me. Bu the was different. I don't know why I told Grace about my problem. Just a part of it though. I don't know how she handle it if she'd known the entire story. The problem. My dilemma. I guess desperation seeks company. And besides, she's my friend. How cute she looks today. With her 'I don't give a crap what you think' outfit and her messy red hair. She may look crappy but I trust her.

"This is important Karen. And isn't he supposed to be excited? I'm sure he'll be thrilled!"

"I don't know…"

"Well, I thought you wanted this?"

"I do. I really do…but…"

"Come on Karen. You're just nervous and that's normal. He'll be so happy, believe me."

I just smiled. She will never understand. My soul started screaming and tears fell from my eyes.

"It's a beautiful thing," she said and wrapped her arms around me. "Don't be scared. I'll help you. Don't cry, Karen. Please don't cry. Just tell him. Tell Stan."

"You really think I should do that?"

"Of course you do. DUH?" and she gave one of her snorty laugh.

"I need to go home now. I'm not feeling well. And…I need to talk to him."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No!" I screamed, but quickly regained my calm again.

"I'm sorry, honey, but I can handle it by myself."

"Oh, ok, I understand. I just wanted to see Stan's face when…"

I did not hear the rest of what she was saying because I walked out of her office. I need to talk to him.

"Hi, it's me…Listen, can we meet? Yes, now…at the Italian restaurant. Ok I'll be there in 20 minutes…Goodbye…"

I guess this is the day that will change my life forever. Maybe this is the right time for change. I hope he'll forgive me. I could not live a lie anymore. I need to leave him, and, maybe this is a sign. He'll understand. If he really loves me, he'll understand.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Walker."

"Good afternoon."

"Your company is waiting at your table."

"Thank you."

There he is, Oh! He's wearing the neck tie I gave him. He looks so handsome. Be brave, it will be over soon. He'll know he's going to be a father. Our lives will change, maybe, hopefully, for the better.

"Karen…I didn't see you. How long have you been standing there?"

"Not long…"

"What's the matter?"

He stood up from his chair and took both my hands on his.

"Are you Ok?"

I sat down, pretending to be calm. He looked at me, as if trying to read my mind. I felt his nervousness, but much more, his concern. As words poured out of my lips, he just listened. I could not even look at him. I was listening to myself as I talked. As if a part of me was detached somehow. Doesn't make any sense, does it? I told him about how special that night was. At least for me. Then I heard myself say:

"I'm pregnant…"

I saw him take a sharp breath as I held mine. I was so afraid seeing him react like that. I'm afraid I'm the only one who's deeply in love. Who is willing to take the risk, embrace the unknown future that lies before us. I need him to give me a sign. Something. Anything, to make me believe that what I'm about to do is worth every atom of everything that I'm about to give up.

Then I felt warmness on my lips. He kissed me. He kissed me like never before. More passionate. I felt love. His love. My beloved, loving me back.

Thank God that night I didn't take those pills or drank that one last bottle of wine. For if I was numb, I would have never noticed his touch, felt his kisses and warm embrace.

"I love you, Karen."

"I love you too, Will"

I'm sorry Stanley, but I choose to step out of my cloud.. I want to feel the sunshine once more..


End file.
